It is funny how a song or smell can trigger a memory. Some songs come on the radio and I will immediately turn the channel. I'll walk past someone and the smell of their cologne takes me to a place I either want to be or run far away from.
Today, because of a couple who are close to me, I have been thinking about my past. I don't like to go there, most of it is ugly. I was thinking how many times my poor husband could have up and ran if he wanted to. I have been so manic that I drove the boy to the brink of insanity with me. He never gave up on me. Everyone else has always given up. No one wants to be around a person that they don't know who that person will be day to day. I guess my husband like the variety :)
There is no doubt in my mind that if we didn't have God then we wouldn't be we. There would no longer be an us. No Michael and Ashlee ever again. When I was weak in faith Michael was strong and when Michael was weak (yea he's not perfect ;) even tho I make it seem that way) I was strong. To me that is no coincidence. Well I don't believe in coincidences. I know it was God. God took us to our breaking point but God never gave us too much even when we thought it WAS too much. God knew better and knew what He was doing. We have failed a few tests but by God's Grace we are still us.
Some people (I wish I could tell you who) think that he is crazy for staying with me. Here is the deal, ready? For better or for WORSE, in SICKNESS and in health till DEATH do us part. I am sick and most people don't get that, don't try to get it and could careless. Of course I don't go around flaunting it either. So when people say to him how crazy he is thankfully he can brush that off and think how silly they are to think you are supposed to throw away a marriage because of hard times. And he knows my sickness, he knows my worst and most of all he knows my heart. No one else takes the time to see but him. We took those vows and both of us have wanted to throw in the towel at times. During those times it's funny how one was always more grounded in God than the other. One was praying when the other wasn't. One was pleading while the other wasn't. So, when we see each other falling short it is definitely okay to say.....hey weirdo pick up your bible. I guess in hindsight I can now see what God was doing. We both see what God was doing.
I got to see one Sunday morning what God was doing in my husbands heart and that is a day I will never forget. I wish I could share it but Michael is more private than me. It was a healing for both of us. A healing we both needed. God is perfect in His timing and knows what we need before we think we know what we need.
I don't know what brought this subject up in my boggled brain. I think it's because Michael has a new cologne and I was thinking "down the road when I smell this I am going to feel comfort" cause that's where we are now. I'm starting to feel safe again in his arms. Music and fragrance will always take me back to another time.
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