Spirit vs. Flesh is a hard reality for me to live out depending on episode. I am no Bible scholar here by any means but I have a pretty good understanding of the word. When I say Spirit vs. Flesh I mean that daily we are to die to ourselves and pick up our cross and live in the Spirit living out God's will. That means my wants, my needs, my selfishness, my anger and whatever else lives inside of me I need to give to God and let Him help me through those things so that I can move on and do His will. This life isn't about me. Romans 8:5-7 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to Gods law, nor can it do so.
I have recently wondered how a person like me, with bipolar disorder, can live like this. I don't know sometimes day to day who I might wake up and be. I may be in a manic phase where EVERYTHING is about me and all I look at is Earthly things. All I want are Earthly things that will please me. My mind is governed by the flesh. I can say this, while my mind is governed by the flesh it does feel like death, I am hostile and not submissive to God or anyone else in my life. It is a constant battle with my mind and the Spirit and until I come down from that mania I live a destructive life. I do not live the way a Christian should, I am the most poor example of what a Christian should be and do things that are unthinkable to most Christians. I fall again and again but I get back up and receive the mercy, grace and forgiveness that God gives all His children.
I know that the Christian Community is going to say, "what about self-control, the fruits of the Spirit?". All I can say is I don't know what to say about it. I lose all self-control when it comes to an episode. Medically speaking I cannot help it, if I could it wouldn't be a disorder I suppose. I want so much to control it, get out of it, away from it and I can't. Then the community will say something like, "with God all things are possible". Absolutely! I know I say "can't" a lot. When I am in an episode I am not myself and can't get out of the episode and can't run away from it. It is like a tornado. The storm is coming in the distance. You see the darkness miles away and eventually the storm is right over your house but before you know it a tornado appears and I, the "normal" me, am standing in the eye of the beast watching in snap shots all the disaster around me I am causing. All the chaos I am responsible for I see but I am in the eye of the beast and there isn't a thing I can do about it until the storm lifts. Then there I am like all the Oklahoma folks coming out of shelter to open the doors to see all the damage, putting the snap shots together, to see what's left and who is left standing.
Does God stop tornado's? He could if it was in His will. Does God stop my disorder and heal me? He could but doesn't. Instead He uses me in all my brokenness to do this. To reach out to others who suffer and remind them that when we are the eye of the storm and have lost all control God is still in control. He still loves us, He isn't mad at us, He has plenty enough Grace, Love and Forgiveness to go around when we go to Him and repent. He knows our hearts, He knows our disease and He waits patiently for the storm to pass. Try and learn from the last storm and move on along the narrow road and try again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8
