Counseling and Clothes Hangers

I went and seen my counselor today and he hit the nail on the head. He told me exactly how I feel when  I couldn't tell him how I feel. Living day in and day out with nothing to look forward to, no happiness, emptiness, feeling like I just exist. That's it....existing. What fun is that, what is there to look forward to? I wake up, do the same thing every day, unable to enjoy anything at all, unable to do everyday things when I know in my rational mind that all I have to do is get up and do it but in my bipolar mind I can't. Baby steps.

I have to make a list.This list consists of the things I hate to do. Then I have to do those things. I also have to sweat three times a week which I want to do. Then I have to actually pay my water bill in person. You are probably like....what? I don't want to have to have any human interaction. It makes me nervous. So, next month I need to pay my water bill. *Sigh* I can do it, I know I can do it. My rational mind says....hello weirdo just go pay the bill, what's the big deal? The other side of me says NOOOOO! Then I'm like....that is so stupid to think NOOOO, just do it, what is the big deal? I don't know how it is possible to feel two different emotions at once or to think two different things at once. To battle with your own mind. Most would call that crazy, I just call it bipolar :):

So, why Counseling and Clothes Hangers? Number one on that list is laundry. I hate, despise laundry and we never have enough clothes hangers and so I stopped at Walmart on my way home and got some. I'll be needing them I guess. I don't guess, I know.

I can do this. I have always been a fighter. I won't let this monster win. I am going to learn how to live with it, control it and not let it control me. The battle begins.......